He is on 1 ml of morphine every hour to keep a steady does in his system at all times. Grandma, Betty and I were going to go to Fredricks of Hollywood to buy me a bra for the wedding (it's a girl thing), but, his bestest friend Eric came over bringing Steve a bouquet of sun flowers and snapdragons, lillys and greens. It was so beautiful.
Thirty years they've been friends. We wanted to stay and visit the afternoon away. We put them in water and put the arrangements right by Steves chair. We laughed in the kitchen decorated in hot peppers with a red checkered table cloth, joking and talking about past times. Steve piped into the conversation and pulled up old memories.
There is a marked delay in his thinking but most of the time he has the right answer. That is a relief. However, I did notice him doing some hand gestures like he was communicating with another spirit that I couldn't see. I don't know if he is trippin on Morphine or if he is beginning to walk across. I'll have to keep my eye on that.
I gave him that picture I posted earlier on this blog. It was such a good day. Lori brought him some flowers she had picked herself. There is nothing like the smell of wild roses. Betty's other son, Rashard and his wife, Teangela and their friend , C, came over. We sang Happy Birthday to Junior. They took their cake and ice cream and went to watch the game that was playing in the other room.
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| Thank you Lori, for capturing this picture for me :) |
I was getting ready for Zumba with Lori when we realized that the pharmacy had not delivered his morphine and an additional extended relase pain killer and it was six fifteen. We called the pharmacy and the nurse. They said we missed the six o'clock courier and the next delivery was between ten and midnight. We had enough until then. Glad we checked it out. God is good. A couple of set backs was there was a misunderstanding at the funeral home. Perhaps tomorrow they will come to understand the wishes of the living and the dying. They are supposed to call us back. I promised to take Grandma walking tomorrow through the mall.
I went to Zumba a shook my ass off. Strained a muscle on my right side. I have to say though. I love the dance part of it. It feels good to move my body. I try to walk 1.5 miles every day with Grandma and with Junior to protect us (they hold no illusions to our safety). She is teaching me by example. I don't want my Eighty year old Grandma to out exercise me :) We walk and talk about the people in our lives and the lessons we have learned. I know I need more exercise for the jiggly parts I don't want to talk about. So I am trying to treat my body better. Death makes you realize all the mean things you have done to your body and how a body fails if not properly cared for. So I am eating my fruits and vegetables and making sure I have protein in my diet. Learning a whole education about nutrition. I learned the four food groups but not how the body uses it's energy and when and with what you should eat it with. Seems like that would be a good subject for our kids to learn throughout their school years. I kinda wish I knew some of this sooner (pulled my head out of denial :) and found some answers. Oh, and the doc said my lumps are smaller so recheck in 6 months. Booyah!
I liked spending time with Lori. She is a sweet thoughtful girl and is so much fun. I like the Latin Rhythms and club songs :) Although I have to be honest when the cute little instructor was out dancing me and she was seven months pregnant it intimidated me just a little and I tried not to look in the mirror at my chicken wings and aforementioned jiggly parts. I parked myself in front of the door to the other room that didn't have mirror so I wouldn't have to look. I really liked her class. Depending on how things progress, I may buy a pass.
A mirror is what the theme is around Steves house. When you die, you ask yourself the big questions. How have you treated other people? What have you earned to be your fate? Will you walk again? Have you learned compassion? Have you learned mercy and humility? All those big emotional words. But, we all go here. We all have to ask ourselves. We all have to face this for ourselves. Death always puts me in the West, the land of emotions. I contemplate and wonder. Can you imagine being Steve? About to meet your maker? Would you be proud of yourself?
I called my man on the way home. I feel like I live here now. I miss his smile. He is always cheery and makes me laugh. He is my rock right now. He lets me unload my day onto his broad shoulders and comforts me when I need it. I love him. My kids are good. Trying hard to catch up all the missing assignments before the end of the year like other kids their age :) I think I will bring them all back with me to visit once more when school gets out. I am looking forward to school getting out. Because the kids have homework, you are set to either nag or clash with your kids. I wish they would do it in school and leave after school/work time to be families. Right now, we kind of choose either and there is a set back in the home life. I look forward to my summer vacation without it LOL I bet alot of moms would agree with me!
I know I suck at paragraphs and grammar. These are just one thought after another after another. I am just driven to write this down. A bag of chips just fell on the ground. Did they fall? Or did someone/thing throw them? I laugh at myself. But, I do wonder this stuff. My husband had those experiences at home yesterday. So interesting how the veil thins...
Lori then showed me pictures of the last month when I came she had taken of her brother John and I. There is clearly a spirit standing in the picture with us. Check it out. I am telling ya! Proof right there. Now I am writing dear readers, to you. I just noticed that the song playing on the radio is "You can't Always Get What You Want [You Get What you need] by the Rolling Stones. Man, somedays I feel like my Generations music is a lost art. As for Steve, we are getting what we need. God is good. We are blessed. See how God talks to me?
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