It Was a Good Day

When I arrived at Steve's around noon, Grandma was deboning a chicken and feeding it to Steve with a small plate of cottage cheese.  Steve looked around the room and shuffled in his seat, but, his food sat untouched for a half hour.  When she finished her plate, she left the room to pray.  I turned on the music and Marvin Gaye was crooning "Let's Get it On." and thought about changing it it, But, all I could find was 50 cent, Little Wayne, Snoop Dogg etc left over from Betty's sons.  I thought it best that Grandma at least recognized the music so I left it.  I thought of my husband at home.  He has been so awesome handling everything for me while I have had to be away. I began to make the sauce for his "Monster Lasagna." by browning the sausage and simmering the tomatoes. Betty and Junior both helped me.  I leaned in close to Betty and said talking behind my hand towards her ear "if these are his last meals, he's gonna eat GOOD when we are around ;)   We talked about nothing and chit chatted our way through the afternoon.  He, giving me tips and watching my every move.  I teased that it's hard to cook for the Master Chef :)  But, we didn't talk about the elephant in the room.  Tomorrow, tomorrow we will talk to the funeral home about arrangements.  Tomorrow I will find out more things I don't want to know.  How do you lay yourself down to die?  How do you comfort them in their time of need?  Our beloved?  You learn Beloved at the time of Hospice.  We all learn what people mean to us when we know they are on their way out the door.  We learn to pray for safe passage. We pray for them not to be scared.   We pray for them to feel no pain.  We pray for legions of angels to surround us and hold us up so that we don't fall.  God is good Betty says all day.  We thank God for the precious time we have left. I feel very close to spirit.  Over the last few days I have noticed how many signs of God I see around Vegas.

If you click on this image you can see it larger.  It said "God.  I'm in the details"

OK, picture this, we are driving Betty to the grocery store yesterday.  Talking about it (being close to spirit during Steves transition). The true "ins and outs." The exacting toll....  And BAM!  On the sign in a yard of a house we were passing, there was a relator type sign and it simply stated "You will not be left comfortless" Like God just answered.

I LOVE when God talks that clearly.  As we continued to drive there were crosses and statues and an Electirc blue Jesus Saves cross.

Then, I notice the song "Rise" by Eddie Vedder.  The lyrices said (I think) "Gonna rise up and find my direction magnetically."  Saying to me "you'll be drawn to it."  I again say my gratitude when God talks this loud.  See?  I am all over the place.  I am back to yesterday when I thought I was getting on here to blog about today.  My mind races as fast as the time is passing.  I asked Steve today if he was going to haunt me.  He said he'll try.  He is being so brave.  I am trying to be brave too.  When I first heard from Grandma that this was it, I called Steven in the hospital  to talk to him.  We cried together and then I told him I was going to be brave and pull up my big girl panties and he told me he was going to be brave an pull up his big boy underpants.  I really am trying. We handle things "matter of factly."  We have no illusions.  Grandma asked if we could watch The Bucket List while we ate our dinner.  She hasn't seen it yet and who doesn't love Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson?  That was hours away though.  The sauce has to cook for like three hours.  Then you have to put the lasagna together and bake it for another 1 -1 1/2. His brother and sister in law came by to visit.  We prayed together.  Our own Sunday meeting right there in the living room.

The day Tab prayed

Grandma is very concerned about staying active.  Today is Sunday and we thought it would be nice to drive to Grandmas Temple and let her see it and we drug along Steve with us.  Just to get him out of the house for a minute other than doctors appointments.

He was visibly tired when we returned half an hour later.  We took Steve in and put the lasagna together and in the oven.  Then, Grandma, Junior and I went and walked 1.5 miles in laps at Lowes so she could keep up her stamina.  I love to walk around Lowes.  I was telling them that when Jeff and I were young, we couldn't afford to go on dates AND pay the babysitter to watch our babies.  So, whenever we got enough money to pay the babysitter, we would eat at home and then go to Home Depot and Lowes and walk around for hours and Dream.  That was our "Date night."   When we returned, dinner was done.  We prepared our plates and watched the Bucket List.  Steve ate every bite.