Four directions

So, the way I heard it was that the four directions represented East: Spiritual Health. South: Physical Health. West: Emotional Health and North: Mental Health.  To be a balanced person, you needed to balance all those parts of yourself.  I smoke to them all.  I pray to them all.  I talk to them all.  So why does this shit keep happening to me? 

I am so tired.  So, dead dog tired.  Death taxes all of these.  Death makes you question your spiritual health.  What do I believe and why do I believe it?  Just to set the record straight, I believe in the after life.  I believe that there are legions of angels out there.  I believe in Heaven and I believe in Hell.  I believe that we will be judged on how we treated people.  I believe that we will relive our lives (in the blink of an eye) except instead of feeling what we felt, we felt how we made other people feel.  We get to feel what we put out into the world.  I need to focus on the positive.  I thought that if we treated other people how we wanted to be treated that it will work out.  God would watch over us.

Death taxes our physical health.  I am running 500 miles back and forth to spend precious time with Steve.  To help him prepare.  To spend minutes bringing laughter and sunshine if I can.  To take care of his physical needs.  I make him food.  I rub cream on his hives.  I bring his medication  or a drink of water.  I lie in the bed beside him and just talk to him.  Is this good enough?  What more can I do?

Death taxes our emotional health.  It forces us to places "we don't talk about at parties."  Maybe I am crazy. There are minutes I feel crazy.  Absolutely certifiable.

Death taxes our Mental health.  I am not sure tonight if I know what mental health is.

I feel wobbly and out of sorts.  I feel broken.  I am tired.  Dead dog tired.