So, Death (for me) is a time of evaluation. What do I believe? Why do I believe? One of the conclusions I have come to is that I have wasted a lot of my time. Steve has precious time left. None of us knows when the time comes or for whom the bell tolls. No one is privilege to that knowledge. What will be my legacy? Sorry Dish Network, but, I am considering canceling my subscription. The sun is in the sky. The kids are jumping on the trampoline. What am I contributing to the collective memory? Will my kids remember Mom watching them on the trampoline? I think sometimes they will. Other times I think of all the hours I have spent at my computer working with my husband to keep up to 20 families afloat. I wasn't there. I hope they remember me there. I admit, there are times, I have surfed the internet, looking at Google Earth with my husband, or got onto Facebook to catch up with friends. I should spend more time with my kids. I should always be making a memory.
I think this is going to get hard. I am going to have to travel back and forth. I'll need the time to transition from helping someone to die and teaching how to live. Enjoy your life. Make your memories. Think what you are putting your energy in. Family and friends. That's what I am thinking. How do you thank someone for being in your life? How do you honor the times you have together? How do you show your appreciation for the moment you are in? I hope you feel it from me when you are with me or hear from me. I am sending out my thoughts and prayers to you and for you. If I am giving you my time at all shows you that you are important to me and I am thinking of you. You made it to the inner circle!! Welcome!
Another of my beliefs is that you take it all with you. All your memories, all your essence. We will all stand in our truth. Our sacred witness will stand with us as the recorded events unfold. I hope that in this life, I will have made friends. I will have served my family and friends. I have been blessed. Not to say I have had a perfect life...but...it was perfect for me to continue my growth. I hope I make God proud of me. I have definitely stumbled. I have moments I'm not proud of. But, I think God is a loving God and a forgiving God. If he is "the father" then he forgives when we are human and make human mistakes. I'm good a being human. Aren't we all? We all have the rough spots in ourselves. We know where they are. We know how we got here. I try to learn from my mistakes though. I do still try hard. Try to repair and rebuild. Make beautiful what was once ugly. I want to get the right answers. I want to have the inner knowing. I want to be able to say when I stand before my Lord and say "Yes, I did."
Dear Lord, Please help me to recognize opportunities to share a memory or create one and act upon it. To use all my minutes in my day wisely. Help me to expel all the demons of irritation. Help me to be willing participant. Help me contribute. Amen
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