Steve is dying. We all have to come here. We all have to meet our maker. This is a road we will all travel. Surrounded by our loved ones but ultimately alone.
I'll be there. I'll hold his hand. I will remind him of every good thing his has brought to my life. I will thank him for his presence. He was present for me. Whenever I needed him. One call, that's all. He was the first man in my life that saw me clearly. He was the first man in my life that accepted my unconditionally. He was that one.
He wasn't always a man. Our families joined when we were kids (5 & 10). He is 5 years older than me. Now his 48 and I am 43. Will he make it to 49? We grew into teens listening to Meatloaf - Paradise by the Dashboard lights as it played over and over on the record player. He moved into his first apartment and I hid from the world there. We would drink wine and made "Monster" food (Monster Lasagna, Monster cookies, Monster pizza) and were blissfully alone. We listen to his entire record collection or refinish furniture. We'd laugh until we cried. There we could be ourselves. There no one bothered us. Visitors were by invitation only. Total acceptance.
We have always been there for each other. He moved south for a more active lifestyle. That didn't stop us. He called when he got a new job or a promotion. He called to dish on the celebrities he waited on in the bar. I called when I got pregnant (out of wedlock), helped me choose baby names, and rejoice when the baby was born on his birthday. I called when my heart was broken from my first real relationship. He told me it would be okay and that there was someone out there that would love me just for me. He told me to wait for it. I took his advice. He was right. I met my wonderful husband (of 21 years now). He called me when his lover died. He called from the depths of grief and despair his voice hoarse from the the pain that rips through your chest. I said nothing but listened to him mourn. He called me when he had to put his beloved German Shepard Cody, his child, to sleep and wept. I wept with him. No one cries alone. I called him when my teens made me cry and I admitted my fears of messing up my kids. I often called when I needed another Monster recipe and to just vent about life in general. He talked me through Christmas Dinner catastrophes and how to salvage my dinners when I messed it up. So many LOL moments :) He has always allowed me to see his humanity. He never hid anything from me. Good or Bad, Glad or mad we have always done it together. Now this...
I told him I would be brave and pull up my big girl panties. He said he was going to pull up his big boy underwear. Then we cried.
How do you walk someone to their grave?
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